Halisi lets out a soft snicker, Leah's look prompting her to raise a hand palm-out in a gesture of peace. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't tease." she says through a smile, studying the biotic's lingering embarrassment. "How are things going? Really?" she asks as her smile fades, the question carefully asked and entirely sincere. She brings her coffee up for a temperature-testing sip, watching her over the rim of the cup.
#Leah'sHouse – May 8, 2020
Leah's embarrassment slowly loses its battle with her smile, the transition accompanied by a playful roll of her eyes. The question causes her to sink a little deeper into her seat, smile growing against her will and she brings her coffee cup to her lips once more in an attempt at hiding it. The coffee is still too hot to allow for more than just a sip and she gives a small shrug of her shoulders. "Things are going-..." her eyes
tilt up, as if considering the question, nose scrunching up in contemplation as she weighs the situation, "...alright." she decides on. There's a moment of hesitation as she sucks in her lips, attempting to reign in the smile beneath, before she relents and corrects herself. "Good." she admits softly as she leans her head back against the couch and tilts her attention to Halisi. But another correction soon follows for
Halisi lowers her cup back to her lap, nodding softly in response to Leah's corrections. The response brings out a small smile, although it's tempered by the weight of everything that's happened in the past year. "I'm glad. There's been enough misery, I think. I'd like to believe things are getting better. For all of us." she says, voice turning a little quieter after the first sentiment, gaze traveling to the window for a time, and the
snowscape outside, before returning to Leah. A deep breath follows, hints of the heavy emotions lurking beneath the collected surface slipping out.
Leah draws in a long, deep breath of her own, gaze turning up towards the ceiling. "Well... the-..." she stammers, shooting a quick glance towards the opening to the kitchen, as if to ensure nobody is skulking about before looking back to the doctor, "...the terrorist organization that stuck a fucking bomb in my head is still out there. Probably stronger than ever." she says in a hushed tone, a heavy sigh not far behind that
makes it clear that hasn't left the forefront of her mind. What they did to her. What they made her do. "But-..." she continues with a reluctant tilt of her head, bringing her volume back up to conversational levels, "...The Collectors are gone. Tara is safe. Li is safe. We somehow managed to survive a Collector abduction and a head-to-head fight with a powerful batarian house without losing anyone, so-..." she gives
another dip of her head, cradling the warm mug of coffee against her chest, "...you know what they say. Beggars can't be choosers, right?"
Halisi sucks in her lips slightly, a faint, somber nod accompanying the words about Cerberus. They certainly haven't left her mind either. A sad smile remanifests as Leah continues. "Indeed..." she sighs, shifting a little to better face Leah as she studies her, a bit of hesitation in her face. "If you'd like to talk about-..." Cerberus. Damien. "...about any of it..." she trails off with a shrug, gaze falling to her cup for a moment.
"Well, I'm here. I hope you know that." she offers as she looks back to Leah, voice steady and a faint, kind smile on her lips.
Leah's smile has grown a bit faint. Still there, but there's a slight sadness to it. Her green eyes turn towards her coffee, staring down into the dark liquid as she gives a small nod to acknowledge Halisi's offer. "...I know." she says in that way that silently implies 'thanks, but no thanks'. She tries to force a little more energy into her smile to show appreciation, but it doesn't entirely manifest. Before long another
long, deep breath slips out and she sinks a little deeper into her seat, attention turning towards the old movie on the television. The volume is so low it can barely even be heard, but she's seen it more times than she can count throughout her life. Not that she's really paying it much attention. Just staring through it as she drags her thumb back and forth across the warm mug clutched against her chest, silence suddenly
Halisi lets out a sigh, looking a little guilty about having brought the mood down again. It almost feels inevitable, like the hardship of the past year has a gravity of its own pulling them back towards it whenever an attempt is made at talking of brighter things. Then again, the doctor was never really a believer in keeping your pain to yourself. At least not when it comes to people that aren't her. She offers a resigned nod, turning
her attention to her coffee as the silence takes over, sipping it as she searches for the right words to diffuse the tension. She's not finding them as quickly as she'd like.
Leah doesn't exactly welcome the silence, either, now that the tone has shifted. It's not hard to figure out what Halisi was getting at with her offer. It's the stain that remains on her conscience. And once that lid is off, it's hard to keep her thoughts from going there. To places she'd rather they didn't go. For a while, the silence persists. "...You know, his last words to me were, 'Make them pay.' " she eventually says
without hazarding a look towards the doctor. The emotion in the phrase has been drained from her voice. She's dwelled on it so much that it's too familiar to carry the same emotional toll it once did.
Halisi frowns a little at her coffee, as if blaming it for her failure to salvage the conversation. She seems a little surprised when Leah speaks up, looking her way as she takes in the words. As they sink in it's all she can do to bite back words that would do little to help the situation. Instead, she's quiet for a moment, taking a small sip of coffee as she considers her response. "That's... not a fair burden to put on your shoulders.
Leah allows a hollow snort to escape. Little more than a puff of air on the back of an empty smile. Her gaze sinks back to her own coffee, studying it for a moment before taking a sip. It's cooled down enough for her to take a proper drink. "I-... umm-..." she begins, using an unfortunate stray lock of hair as an excuse for her hesitation as she reaches up to fuss with it and tuck it back behind her ear, "...I keep telling myself
that what he meant was-... Don't let them win." she says, with an air of false confidence. "Don't let them beat you." she clarifies before swallowing at the lump in her throat that seems to rise up any time she talks about Damien. "And I tell myself that's what I'm doing. Moving on. Moving forward." She leaves out the 'with Nathan' part. Maybe there wasn't a proper label put to whatever she and Damien
were, but there's still just too much guilt associated with that acknowledgement. "Letting go of an unwinnable fight..." she trails off quietly, sucking in her lips as she contemplates it for a moment, green eyes returning to the near-silent movie. That is what facing off against Cerberus would be. Unwinnable. You don't need a career of decorated military service to know that. She pulls a deep breath in through her nose,
holding it for a moment before letting it out through her mouth. "But I know that's not what he meant." she admits. "He wanted me to make sure that they didn't get away with what they did. And now look at them. Powerful enough to stop the Collectors. Praised as heroes across the galaxy. And my friend-..." a title that an unfortunate few have held for her, "...died for absolutely nothing." There's no small amount of bitterness
in the empty smile that tugs at the corner of her mouth when she looks Halisi's way. "It just seems so unfair." she says, her voice only barely cracking at the tail end of her words, hinting at the emotion that trails closely behind.
Halisi listens in focused silence, face twisted into a faint frown. The barely contained emotion in Leah's words make her close her eyes, letting out a sigh. When they open she's looking down at the contents of her cup again. "Life is rarely fair... that fact is hard to escape in my line of work. As it is in yours, I'm sure." she says softly, fingers wrapped around the cup leaving it briefly as she gestures. "I have seen enough good
people die to know that if I'm still here? If I'm-... if I'm still alive? What I choose to do with that life is important." Her voice turns a little shaky, but she manages to keep it steady. Briefly, she hesitates, wondering if what she has to say is something Leah cares to hear or not. "I owe it to everyone who had their time cut short, who never had the chances I did, to live my life as well as I can. I choose to do that by
helping the people around me. And by seeking happiness, when I am able. I have found that the two often overlap." The last bit is added with a faint tug of a smile at the corner of her mouth, struggling to manifest through her otherwise heavy expression. "What you do with your life is important too. And just look at what you have done. You have given a life to a girl who had nothing. Saved others like her. Helped bring Li back.
And despite everything that life has thrown at you, you have sought happiness both for yourself and the people you care for." Her words are sincere, with a lot of weight behind them. This is clearly something she truly believes. She draws a deep breath, steeling herself a little for saying the name. "I think you have honored Damien as well as you possibly could have by living well instead of throwing your life away on some futile
quest for revenge. And..." she sets her cup aside, hazarding reaching out to place a hand on Leah's arm. "...you say you know that's not what he meant... but if he truly cared about you I'm sure he would want you to live. To be happy."
Leah gives Halisi the same silent attention that she was afforded, head resting against the back cushion of the couch as she listens. A sadness slips into that empty smile that's propped up for the doctor's sake as she mentions those lost. All of the 'good people' that have died. The mention of what she's done for Tara helps to solidify her restrained smile into something a bit more genuine, however. For a while, even that was a
source of guilt and worry that what she was doing for Tara was some sort of selfish, subconscious desire to rebalance the scales. An attempt at doing away with the debt that came with Damien's death. A debt that carried so much weight that, at times, it felt like she could barely keep her head above the water. Guilt that she was only doing it to try and numb the sting left behind by the sound of his neck snapping. It's a
ridiculous notion, of course. She did it because it was the right thing to do. And it certainly didn't provide any relief. No numbness to be found. Not a day goes by that she doesn't agonize over the man she put in the ground herself. The mention of Damien- and the physical contact that follows- causes her to swallow at the lump in her throat, green eyes falling to the hand on her arm. "...I hope that you're right." she says
in response to Halisi's final statement, the words coming out quieter than intended. Barely more than a whisper. She clears her throat softly, trying to dispel the emotion creeping up as she looks to Halisi's face once more. "But I wouldn't be so sure about that. He was a pretty big pain in the ass. I think 'futile quest for revenge' was much more his style." she says, a playful fondness in her tone that doesn't quite
Halisi lets out a quiet snort, face stuck halfway between a smile and a grimace as her eyes close for a moment, drawing in a breath. "Mm..." she acknowledges with a nod, glancing out across the room for a moment after her eyes open. "I don't think he wanted it to be, though..." she suggests as her attention returns to the woman next to her. "If anything became to clear to me the last few times I spoke to him, it's that he wanted to be