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#RedrockAgency – September 30, 2018
Jason draws in a long, deep breath. Closing his eyes, he releases it, the steam it causes visible in the cold Aite air. He paces a few steps, glancing towards the road once more in hope that he'll see the headlights coming back down the road. But he knows better. When Vasquez starts, there's rarely any stopping her. It causes another pang of frustration to jolt through him. He steps over to the buidling's wall and puts his back to
it. Lowering to a crouch, he pulls the omni-tool from his pocket and begins typing, jaw clenched. He remains in place once the message has been sent, staring distantly through the holographic display, his thoughts turning to all of the curveballs these past weeks have thrown him. It was supposed to be a good month. A start to something positive. As a cold wind blows in, the chill brings him back to his senses. Casting one
last glance down the road, he presses a palm against the wall and rises back to his feet before heading inside once more.
Ilyna is still in her office, lying over her desk with her head in her arms. There is a orange glow of her omni-tool's login screen on her left arm. She takes a few deep breaths to try and pull herself together for when Vasquez returns, and her racing mind tries to find a better explanation for why she's not a danger to her. What could convince her at this point when she's not even willing to hear her out before
Jason starts down the hall. For a moment he considers locking himself back in his office. Drown his problems in that bottle of rum stored in his desk. A temptation that's been calling to him ever since he returned home. But the problems just keep piling on. Hand on the doorframe to his open office door, he peers inside, gaze falling to the empty glass on his desk. This was a conversation he knew was going to have to happen one day
and he had dreaded it. As much as he had tried to convince himself that Vasquez would take it well- that, after everything they've been through with Ilyna, she'd understand- somewhere deep down he knew that wasn't going to happen. Nothing is ever that easy with her. Hell, that's part of the reason he married her. Never a dull moment, right? But, as tempting as it is to lock his office door and drink himself into a stupor,
that was the selfish way out. This isn't about him. It isn't even about Vasquez. Not really, anyway. Ilyna is at the center of it. After sacrificing so much for those around her, she doesn't deserve to be left alone in her time of need. So, with a deep sigh, he turns his attention from the empty glass, returns to Ilyna's office door and taps the interface.
Ilyna gasps and snaps her head up as the door opens, realizing that the door wasn't locked. She relaxes upon seeing that it's Jason, however. "Have you heard from her?" she asks in a low voice before reaching for a tissue to wipe under her eyes. Her omni-tool remains on, though she doesn't do anything with it.
Jason gives a small shake of his head. "She took off." he says, gesturing in the general direction of the front door with a nod of his head. He remains at the door, one hand on each side of the doorframe as he looks Ilyna over. "...Alright if I come in?"
Ilyna sighs and stands up. "Yeah, I heard the car leave," she says, putting the tissue down the desk. "So, what do we do now?" Ilyna asks. "Are we just going to wait?" She doesn't directly answer his second question, but the follow up questions might be an implied 'yes'.
Jason gives a shrug of his shoulders as he steps inside, a frustrated shake of his head accompanying it. "I don't know, Ilyna." he sighs. Folding his arms across his chest, he takes a deep breath as he glances around her office, unsure of what he should be doing. What he should be saying. "I'm sorry..." he repeats as anything else fails to come to him, looking to his old friend with an apologetic tilt of his head.
Ilyna walks to the side of her desk and waits for the door to close. "I can't help but worry about the chance she may not accept me as part of this anymore," she says. "I can't take Li with me home to Thessia, and I don't know enough about Illium." She lets out a sigh, and looks at Jason. "But most of all," Ilyna says, "I don't want to leave."
Jason is quick to shut Ilyna's concerns down with a wave of his synthetic hand. "You're not going anywhere." he says. "She'll come around." he continues, holding Ilyna's gaze to muster up as much confidence as he can afford. "Look, I'm not trying to make excuses for her. She was being an asshole. Full stop. But-..." he relents with a sigh, "...She's been through a lot, Ilyna. And that's not your fault, but you know how she is. She
gets angry. Blows off some steam. Says shit that she'll regret later. But she will come around. And when she realizes just how out of line she's been, she's gonna feel like shit. Because nobody is harder on her than herself." He takes a few steps towards Ilyna, forcing up a small smile that doesn't quite reach his sad, tired blue eyes as he places a hand on her shoulder. "I know none of that makes you feel any better,
Ilyna listens to him speak. She wants to accept his prediction, but she remembers how this already has far exceeded his previous one. "I hope you're right, Jason," she says. Her voice trembles a bit, but she is more composed than during the earlier confrontation. "This is new... for both of us, so... I wouldn't be so sure that this is how it'll play out." She lets out a sigh, and repeats, "But I still hope
Jason furrows his brow and gives a shake of his head, unwilling to accept her pessimism. "I am right." he says sternly, removing his hand from her shoulder. "There's no other way for this to play out. I mean-..." he bites down, a bit of that frustration slipping back into his features as he sighs, "...The shit we've dealt with? The shit we've survived? We've faced literal fucking monsters together, Ilyna. So-... so-..." he
shakes his head as he stammers over the words, "...she doesn't just get to decide she doesn't trust you, okay? Not over this. Not after everything."
Ilyna gives a faint nod, and looks over at the door behind him. She wants to accept this, but again she can't. "And through all that time, I've lied to her, like I have to lie to everyone," she says flatly. She takes a step away from him. "I... suppose we'll know for certain when she comes back."
Jason's frustration drains from him as Ilyna speaks, replaced by a sense of guilt. He's not exactly innocent in that regard. He, too, kept it from Vasquez for all these years. A lie through omission is still a lie, after all. They're supposed to be able to trust one another. But doesn't Ilyna have the right to decide who knows her secrets? It's something he's struggled with ever since Niacal. For too long he has rationalized it by
telling himself he hasn't directly lied to her. If it ever came up, of course he'd tell her. But that was an excuse made with the knowledge that it would almost certainly never come up. An easy way out. Like most things in his life, however, things didn't exactly play out the way he had planned. He gives a few small nods, his gaze lowering. "We lied to her." he says softly. As easy as it is for him to get angry at
Ilyna looks down for a moment. "It's not your secret to tell, Jason," she says. "If anything, she must understand that." She let's out a small sigh. "I... have to lie to people, I have to keep to myself, to dress like this.... I don't want to, but it's necessary to protect myself." She closes her eyes. "I don't mean that Vasquez is untrustworthy," Ilyna says, "but there are no second chances here. If this
Jason snorts, giving a shake of his head to Ilyna's initial statement absolving him. He's been telling himself the same thing for far too long. But it's bullshit. It became his secret when he found out and he chose to keep it from her. It's that simple. "All due respect, Ilyna, but she's my wife. You have your reasons for wanting to keep this to yourself, and they're damn good reasons. But-..." he swallows, nodding to himself as
he suddenly wishing he could go back and handle things differently. Maybe it wouldn't have changed her reaction if he had told her sooner. Hell, it almost certainly wouldn't have. But at least then his conscience would be lighter. "...But I should have told her. After Niacal-..." he trails off, gaze lowering briefly as he draws in a breath before repeating himself, "I should have told her." As he looks back to Ilyna, it
seems as if most of the frustration and anger that had immediately settled in after Vasquez' blowup has dissipated. "And that's on me." he continues with a shrug.
Ilyna turns around to face him. "I understand that, Jason," she says, "but... you have to realize the risks. I'm glad I don't have to keep it from you, but... had things turned out differently, had Hunter not known, then... the most logical decision would have been to keep you in the dark too." She averts her gaze as realization sweeps across her face. "And then you would be right beside her pointing fingers
tonight." She places a hand on her forehead. "There's no good way to go about this," she says. "I wish I could tell Uvena why I can't go clothes shopping with her, tell T'Iavay exactly why I need my privacy..., or I wouldn't even have needed it."
Jason furrows his brow. "No." he says simply with a shake of his head, "I wouldn't be. Because I get it. This isn't something you go running around shouting from the fucking rooftops. I was there on Niacal, Ilyna. I saw the damage it-... this condition-..." he corrects, a bit of discomfort slipping in at addressing it in such a direct way, "...can do. I was there for the aftermath. The-..." he bites down, stopping himself from
falling into a rant. His and Vasquez' time on Earth isn't exactly the fondest of memories for him. The stress of juggling long work hours with taking care of Vasquez. The medical bills that piled up. Watching the woman he loves struggle just to relearn basic things. But they did it. They came out the other side and were stronger for it. Remembering those hard times just causes the guilt to settle in that much deeper. "So-...
So I get it." he repeats, "You're trying to protect yourself. Protect the people around you. And I've got nothing but love and respect for you because of it. Like I said, you've got nothing to prove to Linda and you certainly don't owe her- or anyone else for that matter- an explanation. Your business is your business..." He allows a moment to pass before repeating his earlier sentiment, the words seeming to weigh heavier on
Ilyna looks down about halfway through as she considers his words. She takes a step closer and places a hand carefully on the side of his arm. She suspects it's not felt, but hopes the sentiment still carries across. "Thank you," she says, "I believe you, but... for a time you'd have questions too, just like Vasquez does. Everyone I've told have." She reluctantly retracts her hand, looking thoughtful for a few
seconds. "And that's... also why you shouldn't have told her," she says, "because I should have been right beside you, telling her."
Jason glances down at Ilyna's hand. The dull pressure it affords is of little comfort, but the sentiment is there. As she finishes speaking, he meets her gaze once more. "You're not defined by this, Ilyna." he says softly. "I've watched you put it all out there, giving everything you have to keep the people you care about safe. Seen you hop on a ship and go half way across the galaxy just to protect a little girl for no other
reason than-..." he shrugs his shoulders, a small, sincere smile tugging at the corner of his mouth despite the grim details surrounding the situation in question, "...you want to give her a chance at a normal life. So-... Yeah." he nods, "I'm sure I'd have questions. Just like I did back when you first told me. But one thing I know is that-.... curse? This-... genetic-... doodad? It doesn't change who you are. It doesn't
undo all of the good you've done. And as soon as Linda wraps her head around all of this, she's gonna realize that." He draws in a deep breath, his smile faltering as he considers the rest of her words and the mess they now find themselves in. "I don't know... Maybe this is a conversation that should've happened a long time ago. But there's not a whole helluva lot we can do about that now."
Ilyna gives a faint not before retracting her hand, and for a brief moment she returns his smile. She takes a deep, shaking breath as something he said struck her. "Vasquez doubted me when she learned that I brought her back from the Citadel," she says, her voice almost a whisper and about to break as she keeps back tears. "Those concerns were reasonable, and I knew I was taking a risk, but... but..." She takes
another deep breath to calm herself, but it doesn't help much. "The chance I want to give Li," Ilyna begins, "it's... it's the same chance my mother fought hard to give me, and... and the same chance I've gotten from people like you. That show me I... I'm more than my curse."
Jason studies Ilyna in silence as she speaks, a few shallow, sympathetic nods his only response as words fail him. "You're a good person, Ilyna." he says as he holds her gaze. A simple sentiment, but his words are dripping with sincerity. It's not just a remark made in passing. It's something that embodies his opinion of her in whole. Garners his respect. Made all the more important by the situation she finds herself in. The
difficulties she faces. "Li is lucky to have someone like you in her corner." he adds, a small semblance of his smile returning. Something seems to occur to him and he raises his brows, "...Where is small fry anyway?" he asks as if suddenly realizing she's not (thankfully) in Ilyna's office.
Ilyna is quiet while Jason speaks, taking a few uneven breaths. She breaks his gaze at first as he says it, not fully accepting it. She's felt selfish, guilty, unsure of herself and angry in the last day. Ilyna sighs and looks at him again, pushing that away. This isn't the time to unnecessarily repeat the concerns she shared with him yesterday. "She's upstairs, watching cartoons," she says. "I... haven't spoken