This logfile is imported from aitelogs2 and may contain errors or wrong timestamps.
#RedrockAgency – November 15, 2017
Halisi makes her way out into the base after asking Jennifer to keep an eye on Li. She makes a quick check in the open offices before trying Ilyna's office, a concerned, confused frown on her face as she raps her fingers against the door, glancing around the corridor to see if anyone is within hearing range. "I-... Ilyna? It's me."
Ilyna looks up at the door with narrowed eyes from where she's sitting behind her desk. "I'm fine," she calls out, her voice uneven. "Just... give me a minute, okay?"
Halisi sighs, the nature of her voice not going unnoticed. "Ilyna..." she starts before trailing off. Her frown deepens as she considers her options, for a moment looking like she's going to turn around and head back, but instead she moves her hand to the interface, pressing her fingertips against it with a brief flash of discomfort. She carefully looks inside as the door opens, remaining silent.
Ilyna is slouched over her desk, burying her head in her arms. "What part of 'give me a minute' don't you understand?" she says without even lifting her head. There's a crumpled wet tissue on her desk in front of her.
Halisi might step on a cable upon entering the office, as Ilyna has pulled it out of its ports on the wall and dropped it. It's a common type of powered data cable used for wired electronics.
Halisi lowers her hand, her frown deepening at Ilyna's words. She remains in the doorway. "I'll-... I'll go, if you want. Just-... don't try and tell me everything is fine. You're 'the problem'...?" She sighs, shaking her head slightly. "I-... I don't understand what's going on, Ilyna. I-I-... I had a very nice time tonight, and-... look, I'm sorry. I've... obviously made you uncomfortable. You are... definitely not a 'problem',
Ilyna. Not in the slightest. You don't owe me any answers. I just-..." she pauses, sucking slightly on her lips as she hesitates, eventually drawing in a long breath. "I-I-... we were having a nice evening, and... I misread things. I apologize. I'll leave you alone." she says, not finding the courage to truly speak her mind.
Ilyna doesn't lift her head as she listens to Halisi, though her breath grows only more and more uneven. There's just one piece of information she's missing: the key to the puzzle. However, it terrified Ilyna to even think about telling her. She's lied to her like anyone else. "It's... not your fault," she mumbles before looking up, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You're beautiful, kind, warm,... everything. I'm...
Halisi seems a little caught off guard by the the compliments, one hand moving up to the top of her chest as she takes half a step back. The words that follow only causes her confusion to grow. She hesitates for a moment, glancing around the corridor, before stepping into the office, avoiding the cable. "I-..." she starts, interrupted by a slightly nervous half-chuckle, cut short by a heavy sigh. Her frown deepens as she studies
her tears, remaining near the door after it closes. "Then... what's wrong? I-... I don't understand. I just want to help."
Ilyna gives the faintest nod. "I... I know," she says, lowering her voice slightly even as the door closes, "but.... I'm.... I'm what's wrong." She looks down at the floor, shame and guilt written all over her face. "You... you... you deserve everything, and... and..." She opens her mouth to continue, but no words follow. Ilyna sighs. "There... is no helping me," she mutters before burying her head in her arms once
Halisi 's frown lingers, confusion over what's wrong mixing with pain over seeing Ilyna in such a state. She walks closer, stopping at the side of the desk, taking a seat on the edge, facing partway towards the crying asari. "H-... hey..." she whispers, her voice uneven. She hesitantly reaches out towards the nearest of Ilyna's arms, gently resting her hand on top of it. "Talk to me, Ilyna. Please. What's-..." she pauses as her
Ilyna tenses up as she feels Halisi's hand on her arm, but she doesn't lift her head. "I... I don't, either," she says. "There was... someone that worried when I told h-... them where we found Li. I kept believing, and... I still do,... that she can learn." Her voice is trembling, a muffled from her speaking towards the desk. Ilyna's intention cannot be discerned among the mess of unchecked emotions. Maybe it's a
Halisi raises an eyebrow slightly, studying Ilyna as she tries to parse her words. "Of course she can. Li isn't to blame for being born to such... monsters. You rescued her from that. Gave her a real life." she says softly, squeezing her arm slightly, still confused, but pressing on regardless. "She'll... always carry what's happened with her, but... it's not hard to see the kind of difference that you've made in her life.
She-... she gets to just be a normal kid. That's... a pretty amazing thing." she says, a small smile briefly crossing her face, stroking her hand lightly up and down the asari's upper arm in an attempt at comforting her.
Ilyna relaxes slightly, though her head stays put. "I... I...," she begins, but she cannot put words to her thoughts. She takes a deep, shaky breath. "I... didn't do that alone," she says. "I had... a lot of help from people like you... and Jason." Ilyna lets out a sigh. "I....," she starts, immediately trailing off.
Halisi continues to gently run her hand up and down Ilyna's upper arm, letting out a quiet sigh as she studies her. "And we're all happy to help. But... this isn't about Li. Is it?" she asks carefully, the sudden shift in the conversation not having gone unnoticed to her. "You... you said... you're 'what's wrong'." she says softly, her voice free of accusation. "What does-... what does that mean, Ilyna? I-..." She sighs,
pausing to draw in a breath and calm herself, the sight of the asari in such a state obviously affecting her. "I don't understand. I don't-... I don't know what to do if you won't tell me what's wrong."
Ilyna looks up at Halisi for a moment. "I... I am.... I...," she stammers out before laying her head back down. "I.... There.... You...." She tries to find any way to tell her, but fear keeps cutting her off. "I'm sorry," she says. "You... deserve better than to see me... like this."
Halisi lets out a surprised snort, shaking her head. "Ilyna..." she says, her voice breaking, hints of tears gleaming in her eyes as she struggles with seeing just how much of a wreck this is making Ilyna. "Don't-... don't be silly. You don't-... you don't have to hide your feelings." She hestiates for a moment before lifting each of her legs, removing her heels before carefully kneeling down next to Ilyna's chair to put her at
a more even height with the asari, doing her best not to damage her dress in the process. She rests one arm on the desk, the hand going to her arm like the other was before. She tilts her head to try and catch a glimse of Ilyna's face. "I promise, I don't think any less off you. Just... talk to me." she says quietly, offering a small, saddened smile of encouragement.
Ilyna lifts her head only briefly to see what Halisi is doing, raising a brow. "You-.... I....," she begins, not finding the right words. Her voice is still trembling, making her muffled words hard to parse. She takes another deep shaky breath as she tries to gather enough courage to tell Halisi. Ilyna does trust her reassuring words, but her mind is still racing through potential consequences. That, and mentally
chastizing herself for letting it get to this point; no lie or rehersed half-truth could get her out of this. "I... carry a burden too," she mutters, barely above a whisper.
Halisi furrows her eyebrows - having a conversation with someone looking down at a desk is an awkward prospect at the best of times. She moves her hand from Ilyna's arm to the hand of her other, which is presumably nearby, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "What is it? It's okay." she says softly, her voice quiet but tense with worry.
Ilyna is quiet for a few seconds, not making any visible reaction to her hands being taken. She then shakes her head, an obvious gesture due to her head brushing against the fabric of her dress. "It's not okay," she says, her voice clearer than before despite the heavy emotions still present in it. "It's..., it's... why I don't deserve you."
Halisi sighs, remaining quiet for a few moments, confusion and unease both growing at the mixture of vague explanations and the final blunt statement. "H-... that's not-... Ilyna, you're a wonderful person. I don't-... what are you talking about? What could possibly-... I don't understand."
Ilyna lets out a thoughtful hum, her trembling breath getting worse. "What I carry with me is... not trauma, it's... dangerous," she says, lowering her voice again. "A-... Alyssa hated that I called it that, but... it's a curse." She swollows, not looking up; half expecting Halisi to realize the truth and leave her like the liar she is. "It... it cannot be helped, only... refused."
Halisi 's concerned frown grows, tilting her head further as she looks for any glimpse of Ilyna's face, struggling with her words. "Wh-... what? Curse...? Dangerous? I don't-... I don't understand what you're-..." she trails off, her mind starting to veer into doctor mode. It has to be a medical condition of some kind. Mental? "Ilyna... please..." she says, hoping to hear whatever it is from her rather than having to piece it
Ilyna sighs deeply. She cannot bring herself to utter its name, even if it would be the easiest answer to just get it over with. Her crying gets louder. "I can't meld," she says between sobs. "Worse, trying... would-... might kill the partner." She turns her head slightly, her face completely out of view from Halisi's angle. "I... can control it,... refuse it," Ilyna says, "but... I... I'm worried I set out on a
Halisi 's jaw drops slightly when she realizes what Ilyna is getting at, luckily unseen due to the asari facing away. She quickly brings up a hand to cover her open mouth. She stares at her, stunned. Eventually she tries to speak, "You're-... I-... oh." all that escapes at first. Her gaze falls to her hand over Ilyna's as silence resumes. A flash of uncertainty crosses her face and her hand withdraws, balling into a loose fist
as it hovers just above the asari's hand. "I-... I had no idea." she says quietly, still sounding rather shocked. Her eyes widen as she connects the dots all wrong. "Is that why you're-... did you run away? Are you... hiding on Aite?"
Ilyna tenses up as Halisi takes her hand away. "I... am not hiding," she whispers. "They... would have found me if I was." She takes another shaking breath, her sobbing getting worse. "I won't... blame you if you don't... want to see me again," she mutters. "I... have to lie to everyone, I'm... I'm... sorry if I hurt you."
Halisi lets out a sigh of relief when Ilyna confirms that she's not on the run. The sobbing and shaking, combined with her words, cause a pained look to cross her face, and she blinks as a tear escapes. "H-... what? No. No. Hey. Ilyna, that's not-..." she shakes her head with a frustrated sigh, placing a hand on Ilyna's shoulder and trying to pull her up away from the desk, so that she can actually look at her. "Ilyna, listen.
I'm just hav-... this is-... this is-... it's... shocking. Yes." she says with a nod, her voice a little shaky. "But... I know the kind of person you are. I'm sure you have your reasons." she says, doing her best to offer reassurance even as her mind still reels from the revelation.
Ilyna lifts her head a little, but she still doesn't look at Halisi. Her tension is also still there. "I... wanted to take your hand... in the hangar, I... really did," she says between sobs, "but... this is why I couldn't. It... just wouldn't be fair, because... you didn't know."
Halisi 's remaining self-control erodes to Ilyna's sob-infused words. A sniffle escapes her along with more tears, and without warning she rises, still on her knees, and wraps her arms around Ilyna's shoulders now that she's pried just a little off of the desk, hugging her tightly with her head pressed against the back of the asari's neck from her awkward side-angle.
Ilyna remains completely still as she's hugged, but her tension is starting to give way. She doesn't say anything, instead focusing on even breaths in an attempt to compose herself; the persistent shakiness making it clear that it's not working.
Halisi tightens her hug, gently running one hand up and down Ilyna's far shoulder in an attempt to calm her. Her cheek ends up pressed against the back of Ilyna's neck as she shifts her head a little. "Heyheyhey, it's okay. Don't-... it's okay. Take it easy. Just... breathe." she says softly, doing her best to comfort Ilyna. Tears are still rolling down her cheeks. She's pushed the racing thoughts resulting from the shocking