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#RedrockAgency – November 16, 2017
Ilyna still doesn't move despite being hugged, though her shaking breath is showing signs of subsiding. "Please... you... cannot tell anyone," she murmurs. "Jason knows, but... others might overhear." She looks up slightly, looking at the cable discarded on the floor. "Fergus... might."
Halisi carefully starts to let go of the hug, pulling back a little so that she can look at Ilyna. Her left hand remains on her back, stroking gently back and forth, while her right hand moves to her arm on the desk. She gives a small nod, sinking back a little against the floor. "I understand." she says quietly, shooting a glance toward the cable at the mention of Fergus. She briefly withdraws her right hand to wipe her wet
cheeks with the back of her hand, a sniffle escaping her. "Ilyna... I-... I can't even imagine-..." a heavy sigh interrupts her. "I... know very little about-... does-... please do not mistake my ignorance for malice...." she says with a tiny, faint chuckle, her hand returning to Ilyna's arm, a sympathetic frown on her face as she studies the asari. "I don't-.... after learning what happened to-... I tried to learn more,
I had thought it was just a myth. I-..." she trails off, her expression changing as a thought crosses her mind, an inevitable one for someone that knows so little about Ilyna's situation. The fingers of her right hand curl up, but her hand remains right above the asari's arm. She swallows before slowly, hesitantly asking the inevitable question: "Have-... have you ever...?" Her voice is filled with concern, and unease,
Ilyna grits her teeth at the mention of what happened to Vasquez, her expression hardening. She was about to respond, but Halisi's question cut that off. She raises an eyebrow. "Used it, you mean?" she asks matter of factly, though her sadness is still very present in her tone. "No," she answers softly. "I... was meant for something terrible, but... I refused."
Halisi seems relieved by the answer, but her relief quickly turns to sadness, and guilt, when she processes Ilyna's words further. She's quick to open her right hand, placing her hand over Ilyna's and giving it a squeeze. "You're a good person, Ilyna. And... one of the strongest people I know. I-... I'm so sorry-... I can't even imagine what it must be like to carry-..." She trails off, another sigh escaping her. A moment of
silence, interrupted only by a quiet sniffle, passes before speaking again: "I'm... so sorry. I d-..." She goes quiet again as she searches for the right words, sucking in her lips slightly as she thinks. "This..." she starts carefully, tilting her head a little to get a better view of Ilyna. "...this doesn't define you. I'm... sorry if I made it sound like I think that."
Ilyna shakes her head. "That's... not entirely true," she mutters. "It... informs who I am. It's... why I dress like I do; why I... don't dance; why I... I'm... so confused and wary about... those kinds of feelings." She looks down and closes her eyes as tears builds up. Any effort she has made to calm down seems ot have been undone, as her breathing grows more erratic again. "I... I used to be different," she
murmurs. "I... was quiet, kept... all feelings to myself, and... kept everyone at... a distance." Ilyna pauses, taking a deep breath. "The military took me... in with open arms, and... I relished the chance to prove that... I'm not worthless," she says. "But... I was kept on the sidelines. I... gave it all, but after two hundred years I... I couldn't take it anymore, so... I ran away."
Halisi listens with a faint frown, silently absorbing and processing everything Ilyna is throwing at her. Her left hand remains on her back, moving up to her shoulder and giving it a squeeze when she seems to struggle with staying calm. "So... you wanted a life. A real one. I don't see how anyone could blame you for that." She lowers her gaze briefly, thinking. "I... can't imagine what it's like to carry this with you all the
time. To always worry. I'm-... I appreciate you telling me. I promise, I will not betray that trust."
Ilyna gives a faint nod at first. "I... I don't know what I wanted," she says. "When I... got to Omega I was I had two choices: mercenary or dancer. Neither... sounded like something for me, but... I chose the former." She lets out a long sigh and slowly rises to her feet, though she doesn't turn towards Halisi. "But... I lost something too – stability," she says. "The old boundaries were firm and absolute, now...
Halisi gets back on her feet when Ilyna does, wincing slightly and briefly leaning down to massage one of her calves before speaking. She keeps her hands to herself, wrapping one around the other as she brings them up against herself. "I... can only imagine. And... to keep this to yourself. To... constantly feel that fear-... I-... I'm so sorry." she sighs, frowning slightly and tilting her head to the side to catch a better
look at Ilyna, a small, hesitant smile crossing her face. "But... there's been a lot of good gained as well, hasn't there? Trusted friends. Family. I'm... sure Li is very glad you chose to find your own way. It's obvious how much Jason values your friendship." She pauses, and, after a moment's pause adds, with a small shrug: "I'm... glad you're here too. Just... for the record."
Ilyna opens a drawer on her desk and pulls out a wet tissue., and takes a deep breath as she begins to wipe under her eyes. "Thank you," she murmurs. "I... love my friends, family, and..." She turns towards Halisi, a tear rolling down her cheek despite her effort. "And... and you've been such a tremendous help to me and Li," she says, her voice drenched with emotions, "that... that-that I cannot even... even describe
Halisi props her small smile back up, giving a nod. "I'm just glad to help." she says, blinking away more tears of her own as she studies Ilyna. She hesitates for a moment, perhaps made uncertain by Ilyna's talk of confused boundries, but then she steps closer, trying to wrap her up in a hug.
Ilyna takes her cue, or at least she thinks she does, and wraps her arms around Halisi. She holds her tightly, and lays her head on her shoulder. "You-... I.... you...." Ilyna sighs, choosing to simply give up on words for now.
Halisi just tightens the hug in response to Ilyna's attempt at speaking, remaining silent as she runs one hand gently up and down her back. She seems prepared to remain this way for as long as Ilyna needs it, her gaze falling on the wall behind the asari.
Ilyna does not seem to be letting go anytime soon, as her sobbing remains constant. "Just... a... minute," she says, though her words are barely coherent.
Halisi doesn't seem to be in any rush. She starts to rest her own head against the asari's shoulder, closing her eyes. Ilyna's words, barely audible amid the sobs, cause a quiet, sympathetic chuckle to escape her, tightening the hug slightly for a moment in response. "It's okay." she whispers. "It's okay."