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#MSVJackOfDiamonds – February 6, 2018
Lucy is sitting in the pilot's chair of the Jack, looking out in silence at the flowing distortions through the viewport. She's still wearing the same jeans and button-up shirt she wore when captured - she hasn't changed or showered since they got back to the ship, despite the doctors' insistance. They eventually had to give up, focused on keeping the injured alive. She smells of sweat, grime and whiskey, her
clothes and hair covered in the crusty traces of dried stasis gel. Her hair is disheveled, several strands having escaped her ponytail. A patch of medigel on her forehead covers a small head wound, while a few small streaks coat scrapes across her cheek and nose, interrupting her freckles. She has her share of bruises, just like everyone else. She might as well be back on Earth for how distant her gaze is as
she stares into space, legs unevenly stretched out under the ship controls and hands in her lap. She seems to have slid down in her seat since waking up, sitting at a sunken angle. The empty whiskey bottle still lies on the floor, and the guitar remains where it was thrown less than gently into the co-pilot's seat.
Jason is in no hurry to get to the bridge, but he makes it there eventually regardless. Beer held by the neck, he steps inside and gives a glance around. As his gaze comes to rest on the empty bottle of whiskey, he gives a small nod to himself. He's definitely had his share of those days. Cept by this point, they're not even those days anymore. Just weekdays. And weekends, for that matter. The breakfast beer in his hand
is an unfortunate testament to that fact. He sighs softly to himself as he steps forward and rests his free hand against the back of Lucy's chair to announce his presence but finds himself unable to speak at first. What do you say to a woman who just lost her husband? "Didn't your parents ever teach you about sharing?" he finally asks with a nod towards the empty bottle. It's supposed to be lighthearted, but after his
spat with Nathan and snapping on Leah, his voice doesn't carry the enthusiasm it otherwise may have. He does his best to force a lopsided smirk into place.
Lucy doesn't react to Jason's presence right away, just continuing to stare out. Even when he speaks, her only reaction is a flinching blink, and an exhalation that turns into a quiet grunt. She doesn't say anything, or move much for that matter.
Jason gives a couple of nods to himself. Not an unexpected reaction. He steps away from her seat and moves over to the co-pilot seat. The aches and pains throughout his body once again pipe up as he leans over to scoop the guitar off of the seat, causing a wince and a low grunt from him. He gently sets it on the floor, leaned up against the control panel. For a moment it seems as if it may topple over, causing him to snatch at
it and scoot it over a bit more to balance against an angle in the control panel. He balances his beer bottle against the armrest as he sits down and rotates a bit to face Lucy. Rather than looking at her, however, his gaze joins hers in watching the distorted space beyond the window. A few moments of silence pass as he searches for something to say. Anything. But nothing comes. As he opens his mouth to ask 'How are you
holding up?' he grows frustrated with himself and thinks better of it. He knows exactly how she's holding up. Asking would just be filling dead air. He takes a sip of his beer before silently holding the bottle out in her direction as an offering.
Lucy says nothing as Jason moves the guitar, and takes a seat. There's a hint of tension in her face as she anticipates a pointless question much like the one he almost voices. Her attention is pulled from the view of redshifted space soaring by as the beer comes into view. Her gaze lingers first on the bottle and then, briefly, on Jason's synthetic hand, her eyebrows furrowing just slightly. She grabs it without a
word, pressing it against her lips and taking a long sip. She doesn't hand it back, just letting the bottle dangle from her hand on the outside of the armrest as she lowers her arm back down against it. A deep breath and a drawn-out sigh follows as her gaze shifts back into space. She doesn't seem particularly eager to talk.
Jason doesn't attempt to retrieve his hijacked beer. He just brings his hand back to rest on the armrest and settles back into the seat to watch out into space. In silence. And as much as he'd like to say that his silence was for her sake, deep down he knows it's for him. He's no therapist. Emotions and feelings aren't his forte. Send him back into that Collector ship in a loinclothe and a pocket knife and he'll find a way to
make it work, but make him talk about something real- something heartfelt- and he's lucky if he can stammer his way through it. He finds himself recalling all of the stupid conversations he had after Mina's death. All of the dumb motivational quotes he could recite from his friends that were probably pulled straight off of some extranet site about dealing with loss. Yeah, they were just trying to help. Maybe they were
even things he needed to hear. Just thinking about it was enough to make him angry and after what the woman at his side just went through, it's unlikely that she'd react to those hollow words any better than he had all those years ago. But this woman is part of the reason that Li is still alive. Uncomfortable or not, she deserves an attempt at conversation. "I know we got off on the wrong foot, Lucy." he says, a small
jolt of pain settling in as his head wound makes contact with the seat's headrest. "I just-... I want to thank you for everything you've done. I don't know-..." he stammers, eyes still fixed to the window as he gives a shake of his head, "...Thank you."
Lucy purses her lips just slightly as Jason speaks up. She doesn't acknowledge him right away, but soon enough a small nod follows. No words, nor a look his way. She starts to lift the beer again, but stops halfway to look at it before changing her mind, leaning it against the armrest as she closes her eyes. "The girl." she says quietly. Between the throat trauma and the whiskey her voice is very hoarse. "She's
Jason gives a couple of small nods that go unnoticed by Lucy as she closes her eyes. "She's scared, tired, and worn down like the rest of us. But-... Yeah." he nods, "She will be."
Lucy givers another nod, barely noticable. "Good." she sighs. Silence returns as her eyes slowly open with reluctant blinks, even those short seconds enough to cause her to strain against the light.
Jason draws in a deep breath when silence once again settles in and he finds himself losing the seconds that pass by and turn into minutes as he stares out through the viewport. "If there was anything I could have done to help him, I would have. I know you don't have any reason to believe that, but it's the truth..." he finally says. A lump forms in his throat as the words leave his mouth and the pit in his stomach grows as he
forces himself to look towards Lucy. "You shouldn't have had to see what happened in there, Lucy. Nobody should have to see something like that but-..." he trails off, suddenly wishing he hadn't opened his mouth but there's no turning back.
Lucy bites down on her lips as Jason breaks the silence. Her grip tightens around the beer and for a moment she closes her eyes again. "Just... shut up." she says with a shake of her head, her expression hardening and her gaze remaining firmly on the viewport.
Jason continues to watch Lucy for a moment before giving a single, stern nod and turning his gaze back to the viewport. "...If that's what you want." he says, the pit in his stomach only deepening. But he complies with her request for now, cybernetic arm leaning heavily against the armrest as he focuses on the swirling colors beyond the glass.
Lucy returns to silence. Another sip of the beer follows, and briefly, a queasy look, as she presses the back of her hand against her mouth, grimacing slightly. Soon enough she's back to staring out into space. More charged minutes pass as she ignores Jason, until one of the control panels starts flashing and beeping, the display highlighting one of the engines in red. "God-fucking-..." she mutters as she leans
forward, slamming the bottom of the bottle against one of the buttons that make up the old-school physical controls. With the alert silenced, she leans back again, grunting from the pain that surges through her aching body.
Jason furrows his brow a bit as Lucy takes an approach to fixing things that's quite familiar to him. "Ship isn't about to crack in half, is it?" he asks with a lack of energy that betrays the severity of his question. "Cuz after what we just went through, that'd be a pretty embarassing way to go out..."
Lucy lets out another sigh as she settles back into her seat. She shakes her head slightly. "We'll make it to port." she says with about as much energy as Jason, not bothering to look his way.
Jason gives a couple of short, distant nods, his gaze remaining on the control panel that was flashing for a few moments longer. More silence as his attention returns to the viewport. Distorted stars. Blackness. Emptiness. Once again his mind drifts back to those dark times. The times between Mina and Vasquez. When everyone he knew was trying to smother him with love and comfort and understanding and he couldn't have felt more
alone. "...When my fiance died, everyone had something to say." he decides on, his voice flat and clear. Sometimes you have to give a little to get a little. Even if it's something you're not comfortable talking about. " 'It gets better with time'. 'Time heals all wounds'." he recites with a shake of his head before turning his gaze back to Lucy finally, "Always time. Time, time, fucking time. But
true? Untrue? It doesn't really matter because nobody wants to hear that shit, you know? Cuz-... the bottom line? It fucking hurts. I mean-... That shit stays with you. You carry it, you know? Like a-... Like a-..." he stammers as he searches for the words, shaking his head a few more times, "...Like a big fucking weight on your back..." Despite his attempt to distance himself from the words coming out of his mouth, it'd
be impossible not to see the emotion behind them. It's a pain that not even years worth of 'time' could wash away.
Lucy seems caught off-guard by Jason's first words. It's not what she expected to hear. It's enough to cause her to look over to him at last, studying his face as she listens. Her hazel eyes are still puffy and reddened from a night of crying, poor sleep and alcohol. She doesn't dismiss him. She listens, even if she offers no response, and the pain in his eyes doesn't go unnoticed. She sucks in her lips slightly,
Jason goes quiet for a moment, swallowing hard in an attempt at dislodging that lump in his throat to no avail. "...Yeah." he says softly as he takes in another breath and settles against the backrest once more. "I was a mess, Lucy..." he continues as he looks back on a chapter of his life he wishes he could forget. "Couldn't even bring myself to come home any more. How could I? It was our apartment. Trashed the place.
Didn't help." He gives a dismissive shrug, "So I found a new home." With a nod of his head, he gestures towards the empty bottle of whiskey on the floor. "Figured if I couldn't stop thinking about her while I was sober, I'd just stop being sober." A humorless snort escapes him as his blue eyes turning back to the viewport. He falls silent and his gaze turns distant as his mind navigates the labrynth of emotions while he
Lucy draws in a deep breath as she listens, sinking further into her chair as her gaze turns back out. She'd offered her and James' cabin up to the colonist and her son. It hadn't been a charitable act. It doesn't matter how close to home Jason's words hit. Nothing matters right now. She closes her eyes again, exhaling. She doesn't have anything to say.
Jason snaps out of his short-lived trance. Lucy's continued silence comes as no surprise, but it doesn't seem to dissuade him from continuing. "You get stuck in your own head. You think of all the stupid shit-... stupid shit that happened years ago, you know?" he asks with a brief glance back to Lucy. "Something you said or-... or something you wish you would've said or-... your last argument. You dwell on the last thing
you said to them and it just-..." he gives a shake of his head as he lists things off. Things that Lucy has undoubtedly already began to gravitate to. "...It eats right through you." he says through nearly clenched teeth. He finds himself having to pause and take in a deep breath to keep powering through. "But then? One day you just-... turn a page. You see something that reminds you of them. Something funny or-...
or-... or maybe just a good memory. Something that a week ago would've left you a sobbing mess, right? But this time-..." he shakes his head somewhat distantly, "...It just makes you think of them and smile. And you realize, 'Yeah... Yeah, this is just how it is now.' And that weight on your back? It doesn't go away. Because you're gonna be carrying them with you from now on. But it-..." he sighs,
Lucy takes an uneven, ragged breath and bites down on her lips as fresh tears gather in her closed eyes, a few rolling down her cheeks as she lifts the bottle-holding hand up to her face, thumb and knuckles rubbing against her forehead. A quiet snort with no context, or perhaps its a sob. The line is not so clear.
Jason's eyes have grown glassy, but he manages to keep any tears from escaping. He's shed enough tears over Mina and, as hard as it still is to really talk about her like this, it's another life that happened to somebody else at this point and he's unwilling to let himself remain stuck in the past. As Lucy's waterworks begin, he lowers his gaze to the floor. "I just-..." he stammers once again as he struggles to find the right
words, "...You're gonna get through this, Lucy. It's gonna suck, and it's gonna hurt, and you are going to be absolutely fucking miserable for a while-..." he says honestly, unable to bring himself to sugarcoat things, "...but you're gonna get through this. It's not hard to see that this ship is filled with people that care about you. They're gonna be there for you. And it's gonna piss you off to the point that you're
gonna want to just kick them out the fucking airlock." he gives a short, somber snicker, "...But they're gonna make sure you come out the other side. I promise you that."
Lucy lowers her hand slightly, covering her mouth and nose as her eyes open and she stares down at the control panel in front of her through teary eyes. An uncomfortable grimace crosses her face as her stomach churns. The emptiness, the black hole that's been growing ever since the Good Things Come hasn't been helped by the chaos aboard the Collector ship or a diet of nothing but whiskey since their return.
Jason falls silent for a few moments, eyes still fixed to the floor as he mulls over his own words as the quiet overtakes the room once more. But soon enough his mind drifts from the past to the present as that image of Vasquez in the hangar after their argument plays in his head. She's probably worried sick. His thoughts serve as a reminder of just how much he misses her. He pulls in a deep breath and holds it for a moment
before letting it out. Eventually, the aches and pains howl across his battered and beaten body as he grips the arm rest and pulls himself to his feet with a grunt. "Come on, Lucy." he says with a nod towards the door. "Let's go get some food." And maybe some more breakfast booze.
Lucy lingers silently in her seat at first, but eventually she nods faintly. "Be right with ya..." she mumbles unconvincingly.
Jason furrows his brow as he studies the woman, seeming for a moment as if he's going to further press for her to come with him, but then his expression falls neutral. She's been through hell over the past few days. They all have. The last thing she needs is some guy she barely knows giving her orders. "Alright." he says with an understanding nod before starting back towards the galley. As he reaches the door he glances back
at Lucy. "I'm warning you, though. If I don't see you out there in the next half hour I'm gonna come back in here and start rocking out on that fucker." he says through a lopsided grin as he gives a nod towards her guitar. "And trust me, nobody wants to hear that. So do everyone a favor and come have some breakfast." He doesn't linger after speaking. Boots against the metal floor sound out as he takes his leave.
Lucy returns to her stargazing once Jason departs. A faint puff of air through her nose is her only reaction to his words as she reaches up to wipe at the tears on her cheeks.