This logfile is imported from aitelogs2 and may contain errors or wrong timestamps.
#MSVJackOfDiamonds – February 21, 2018
Jessica has kept to herself since her little spat with Nathan. The corridor near the quarters has become her makeshift home away from the cargo unit. She's currently sat against the wall, idly poking at her omni-tool.
Nathan decided to go for a walk after his talk with Jason. With a clear head, he had time to think about things and, whilst scaring him, he believes he is slowly starting to come to terms with it. Collectors, machine zombies, some entity that ca- nope, that's still not making sense. He doesn't pay much attention to his surroundings, ending up in the same corridor Jessica now resides in. He has a hand on
his hip and the other pressed against his forehead, thinking about the reanimated body of Li's mother. He killed her. Twice. Yet she showed herself once more out of nowhere. How?
Jessica's gaze moves to Nathan as she spots him down the corridor. She gives a deep sigh and a roll of her eye. "What? You are here to talk more shit? Mmm?" she growls. She's still wearing her undersuit, rolled down to her midsection with the sleeves tied loosely around her waist in a makeshift belt. Her white tanktop does little to conceal the massive scarring down her right arm.
Nathan looks up, almost jolting in surprise. "Oh, it's you." He exhales sharply, throwing a dismissive gesture her way as he picks up speed to walk past her. "Nope, got nothing else to say to you," he spits, not even doing her the courtesy of looking at her, even as he feels that instinctual pull to look at the scarring.
Jessica gives a muttered: "Good." and her scowl remains. She stares hard at Nathan as he stomps past her. At first it seems like she just might let it go, but the frustration of their previous argument continues to bubble up inside of her the longer she's in close proximity of him. "I am not a fucking soldier!" she finally blurts out as Nathan nears the opposite door.
Nathan is about to reach the door and open it, but Jessica's outburst makes him do a 180 turn, his outstretched and flat hand turned into an outstretched and pointed finger. "I fucking knew you were full of shit! I called it!" He snaps, coming to a stop an arms reach away from her. "There was so much pointing towards it. So why the fucking lies, hmm? Why the deception?"
Nathan is about to reach the door and open it, but Jessica's outburst makes him do a 180 turn, his outstretched and flat hand turned into an outstretched and pointed finger. "I know, we all fucking know. We know you're a pathological bullshitter and I know that you're a selfish woman who gives no shits about anyone." Turns out he has plenty more to say to her. Go figure. "So if I was you, I'd think real
carefully about if you want to keep this conversation going right now because my tolerance levels are pretty low today."
Jessica continues to glare at Nathan as he speaks and the interface to her omni-tool dissipates. The expression on her face only hardens the more he talks, but as he finishes up, she gives a humorless, condescending snort. "Oooh! I am shaking in my fucking boots." she mutters unenthusiastically with another roll of her eye, his threat doing little to intimidate her. "You think you are better than me, but you don't know shit
about me. You just talk, talk, talk. Whine, whine, whine." She shakes her head, another condescending snort escaping her.
Nathan grits his teeth and stares hard at her. "I've seen enough to know that I don't want to know shit about you. It's easy enough to guess what kind of person you are," he says, voice a barely contained hiss. "If it came down to it, you'd sacrifice everyone on this ship to save your own skin. I'd even wager you'd throw Yan Sun into a grinder to buy yourself some time. So my advice? Go fuck yourself and
stay away from me. I won't tell you again." He turns to leave, his already frayed nature starting to unravel.
Jessica is quite clearly set off by something Nathan said, hand shooting to the wall to help her to her feet. "Fuck you!" she growls, bounding forward a few steps. "If it comes down to it, I will do what I have to do to fucking survive!" she responds. "Just like I always have! Because I didn't grow up in some little Alliance-protected colony or your big, comfortable city on Earth. I had to fight for every day! For
every meal! And no, I am not a fucking soldier! I wasn't trained to fight like you, and Jason and-... and your little cheerleader." she stammers, each outburst bringing her a step closer to Nathan, "I didn't get that. Everything I know, I teach myself! But I didn't fucking run on that ship! I didn't fucking leave anyone behind! Yes, people died! So. Fucking. What. Is what happens in life, yes? Is not. My.
Nathan stops and turns, her sudden movement causing his hand to bunch up into a fist, as if ready to take a swing at her. He stares back hard, not moving as she approaches him, his feet shifting into a more combat ready stance. "So what? So what?! Those were innocent fucking people, abducted against their will by the bogeymen of the galaxy! The moment we took them out of those pods, we had an obligation to
get them out of there. Yes, people die, but they didn't have to! We had the power to get them out of there and we didn't...". He's struggling to keep his emotions in check and, the next words he speaks, are raw as his own eyes seem glassy by the guilt eating away at him. No matter how much the others tell him, he can't stop blaming himself for the deaths of those people. Just... more to add to the
tally. "I don't blame you... I don't blame any of you. I can't fucking stand you, but I don't. Blame. You. But I can't forget nor forgive that you could so callously throw away their lives as a 'better them than us.' It doesn't matter how shitty of a life you had. That doesn't stop you from being a decent person. Nothing stops you from that." He swallows the lump in his throat, fist quivering.
Jessica continues to bite down, studying Nathan through a narrowed eye. It doesn't even register that it's a thing she's done. 'Callously throwing away lives.' For her it's just a way of life. People die. "We didn't even know them!" she nearly shouts, as if it's some big piece of the puzzle he seems to be missing. She opens her mouth to continue, but nothing comes out and her lips press together tightly. Her gaze drops for a
second, scanning across the floor before looking back to Nathan. When she speaks again, a bit of a the bite seems to have subsided from her words. Or maybe just drained away by her thoughts. "I did not throw anyone's life away, Ten. They are dead whether I mourn them or not." she says, the energy and fight drained from her voice.
Nathan slowly unfurls his fist and takes a step back, lowering his gaze. What's the point in shouting anymore? He exhales and tiredly rubs his face, shaking his head. "You saved Jattic," he says after a moment's pause. The words spoken still somehow sound surprised at that notion, but he doesn't continue the line of thought. Maybe he said it as a reminder to himself. Maybe he -is- being too harsh on her.
"...They're dead. Doesn't mean we have to forget. We shouldn't... forget." He falls silent and, after a moment, he takes a step back and turns to walk towards the door again.
Jessica's face briefly contorts into one of nearly disgust as Nathan mentions Jattic. "Don't remind me..." she scoffs. As Nathan finishes his sentence and turns to take his leave, she draws in a deep breath. "Maybe you have room in your memories to mourn people you don't even know." she calls out after him. "But we do not all have this gift." After getting her 2 cents in, she turns on her heels and begins to return to her spot
Nathan stops at the door and presses his hand against it, sliding open in front of him. "Gift?" He asks in a voice barely above a whisper. "...remembering the face of a little girl... who died in your arms... is not a gift, Jess." He bites down hard and walks through the door. He needs a drink. Or six.
Jessica glances Nathan's way as she settles back onto the floor, but she doesn't say anything. As far as she's concerned, he's just another spoiled brat eagerly looking for every chance to look down on her. Protected by a life of luxury, he couldn't possibly understand the things she's been through. The hell she's survived.