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#MSVJackOfDiamonds – February 15, 2018
Ilyna casts a glance over her shoulder as she once again climbs down into her quarters, checking if they're still asleep. She enjoyed her talk with Oxaris, and her very turian perspective on all this, but the way it ended left her incredibly worried. What if Senya isn't going to make her recover on her own? She still didn't want to wake Halisi, she was up all night doing everything she could to make sure
Halisi is still very much asleep, and likely will be for a good while considering how exhaused she was last time they spoke. She's unconciously wrapped Li up in her arms to calm the girl's anxious stirring. There's a peaceful look to both of them as they rest, facing the wall, and the small viewport aside the bed, with redshifted space flying by outside. There's room enough for Ilyna to sit in the bed, but there's no telling
Ilyna doesn't intend to sleep, but prefers to be both close to them and comfortable. Her neck was still pained from yesterday, and the hard sleep has caused some tension here and there which; a nagging discomfort in the background of her more pressing concerns. So she takes the risk, sitting down on the bed furthest from the ladder. If successful, Ilyna would sit with her back against the wall until either of
them wakes. Her racing mind does not afford her a chance to fall asleep, so she will be awake when Halisi or Li wakes up.
Something like another hour passes quietly in the cabin, but eventually Li's eyes start to open, and for a brief moment her gaze darts around in confusion until she's gotten her bearings, spotting both Ilyna and Halisi. She slips out of the latter's arms, sitting up with a few tired blinks.
Ilyna snaps her attention to the side when she sees movement in the corner of her eyes, and lets Li wake up at her own pace. She gives her a reassuring smile once she sees her looking her way. "Hey," she whispers. "Slept well?" She casts a quick glance past Li at Halisi to check if she's still asleep.
Li gives a faint nod, staying silent as she crawls over to Ilyna, slightly crushing Halisi's leg in the process, causing the sleeping doctor to let out a groan and shift in the bed, drawing her leg in closer to her body as she winces. Through some miracle she doesn't wake up, but it's clear her sleep has been disturbed. Li sits down in the bed by Ilyna's side, leaning against her without a word.
Ilyna raises her brows at first, but a small sigh of relief escapes her when Halisi's sleep continues. She doesn't mention anything about it to Li, though. Ilyna grabs Li's shoulder furthest from her and pulls her slightly closer. The silence is no surprise, however, nobody came out the same from what happened yesterday. "Just one more day," she whispers to break the silence. "We'll... we'll be home." There
was so much she wanted to say right now, things that she worried might be unsaid, but again she felt the nagging concern: now is not the time. The girl might already doubt her after her failure to protect her that night back in Freedom Falls, so saying something that could risk making things worse didn't feel right.
Li gives another tiny nod, her knees pulling in closer as she curls up, staring down at the floor while continuing to lean on Ilyna. Even though she's just woken up her gaze is already distant, thoughts running rapidly through her head.
Ilyna joins her in looking down at the floor for a few moments. She realizes that the girl is deep in thought too, and she can feel a building pressure to fight her own doubts and say what needs to be said. Ilyna hasn't forgotten Halisi's advice back in the Redrock Agency's lobby, but she was still trying to figure out how to put it best. No, she cannot doubt anymore. That was what lead her to all the things
that could have gone unsaid yesterday were it not for Oxaris' bravery in leaping on to that platform. "I'm sorry," she whispers.
Li blinks, lifting her head and looking up at Ilyna with slightly furrowed eyebrows. There's confusion in her eyes.
Ilyna raises her own brows at first. The apology was a natural continuation of her thoughts, but it understandably came out of nowhere for Li. There is a hint of sadness in the asari's concerned expression. There was no turning back now, she had started this. "I… I know I haven't… I haven't been… the mother you deserve," she whispers, already regretting her fumbled words. She takes a deep breath, which
trembles a little. The pressure on the asari is not helped by who she compares herself against: her own mother. Someone she could talk with about anything, who saw her diagnosis coming years in advance, who fought long and hard to maintain custody once it was known. Because she believed in her. But what if Li rejects her like Ehanis does? It hurt her every time her sister pushed her away, and she was
worried this might happen again; that Li chooses to deal with her own problems. "I want to be the one you talk about it with in when you're sad, frightened, worried, happy, curious,… anything that you want to get out of your mind." She gives a faint smile, but she's far from at ease. She opened her mouth to speak again, but no words left her.
Li tilts her head, frowning slightly as she listens. Some of it seems to go over her head, and she seems a little scared by Ilyna's lack of confidence at first, but the final words, and the uneasy expression that follows, solidifies her impression. Ilyna feels bad. She's observant for her age, has been for a long time. She wraps her arms around Ilyna's midsection, hugging her tightly, leaning the side of her face against her
Ilyna tries her best to keep herself collected, but she cannot. It was a relief for this to leave her mind, but on the other hand, she could have done it better. In better circumstances. If she couldn't live up to her mother's unfaltering calmness, maybe honesty was the correct way forward. To show that she also needs to voice her concerns to someone else for them to start making sense so she can put them to
rest, at least for a while. She moves her hand to her back as she's hugged, and gives it a gentle pat. She doesn't know what to make of her answer, but at least her own vulnerability has conveyed. "We'll come back from this," she whispers after a few seconds of silence, the unease still present. "Stronger."
Li nods faintly, but there's unspoken fear and distant thoughts in her eyes as she stares down at the floor, hidden from Ilyna by the angle of her head and her hair. Her stomach growls slightly. She says nothing, still, despite the promise just made.
Ilyna lets out a weak sigh as the girl goes quiet again, and she cannot make anything from her expression. Maybe she just needs time to think about what Ilyna said, but there's also the fear that this will be a recurring conversation from now on. She longed to talk with Halisi about this, and Jason. That would have to wait until everyone is back on Aite; this was important, but less immediate than their
responsibilities. The rumbling of Li's stomach pulls her out of her thoughts, however, and she glances off towards the ladder. "How does breakfast sound?" she asks in a whisper.
Li doesn't answer right away, but after a little while another small nod follows. She sits up, slipping out of bed. Her movements and mood are a sharp contrast to her usual enthusiasm.
Ilyna climbs out of bed after her, careful not to disturb Halisi's sleep. She casts a glance down at her before making her way over to the ladder, again silently letting Li choose whether she'll climb it on her own. The girl's lack of enthusiasm is nothing short of expected, but it still hurts to see. She might be like that for months or years, but Ilyna must not lose faith that her spark will come back.